All text and images copyright Tim Myers 2008


Frequently Asked QuestionS

Q:  Tim, do you have any special talents?

Tim:  I'm so glad you asked.  Because I do!  For one thing, I can do a "can-opener" dive that makes a huge splash--like 15 feet high!  It's

humungous!  I'm a one-man tsunami.  And I can whistle and hum at the same time.

Q:  Why on earth would anyone want to whistle and hum at the same time?

Tim:  No particular reason.  But I'm extremely talented at it.  I'm a world-class whistle-hummer.  (Ach!  That sounds kind of German,

doesn't it?).  Only my whistle-humming doesn't sound very good.  Kind of like someone moaning because they have a stomach-ache

from eating, I don't know, rotten brussels sprouts.  But it's a great talent, and useful in many situations.

Q:  Name one situation when it would be useful to whistle and hum at the same time.

Tim:  Uh...I can't think of any right now.

Q:  Tim, what in your opinion is the most important event in the history of the world?

Tim:  Oh, that's EASY!  It was around 1928, when the divine genius Harry Burnett Reese invented a miraculous thing by bringing

together, for the first time, two of the most powerful forces on Earth.  Can you guess what he invented?

Q:  I'M supposed to ask the questions, not YOU.

Tim:  Stay cool, dude.  But his name should give you a big hint.

Q:  Uh..."Harry"?  He invented toupees for bald guys?

Tim:  No!  Not THAT name!

Q:  All right--then "Burnett."  He invented matches.  Cuz that's what you do with a match, right?  You burn it.

Tim:  Holy cow, man, forget about the guessing!  It's "Reese"--that's the hint!  He's the guy who joined the sacred force of chocolate

with the life-giving powers of peanut-butter--to invent the PEANUT-BUTTER CUP.  The greatest single feat in all of human culture.

Q:  (Pause).  You're a little weird, Tim.

Tim: that a question?

Q:  Let's change the subject.  What's your personal favorite among the books you've written?

Tim:  It's actually a picture book called The Great Snail Race.  I haven't gotten it published yet, but I'm trying.  It's about a famous race

that brings the fastest snails from feet around (get it?  like "miles around") to win a big prize.  I like it because it's all so serious to the

snails.  To them, these racers are unbelievably fast!  While to us--well, you know.  Snails are like really really really...slow.  That

cracks me up.

Q:  So what do you think about polka-dots?

Tim:  People are always asking me that!  Look, I'm not against them in general, but you've got to admit they look funny on cars.

I'm sorry, but that's just the way I feel.


Q:  All right, my final question.  What sound do you get when you drop a piano down an open mine-shaft?

Tim:  Hey, I know that one!  Colorado Springs, Colorado, is my hometown, close to the old mining town of Cripple Creek.  So I know

that if you push a piano down an open mine-shaft, you'll get--A flat minor.

Q:  Thanks, Tim.

Tim:  You're so welcome, Q!