All text and images copyright Tim Myers 2008
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Frequently Asked QuestionS
Q: Tim, do you have any special talents?
Tim: I'm so glad you asked. Because I do! For one thing, I can do a "can-opener" dive that makes a huge splash--like 15 feet high! It's
humungous! I'm a one-man tsunami. And I can whistle and hum at the same time.
Q: Why on earth would anyone want to whistle and hum at the same time?
Tim: No particular reason. But I'm extremely talented at it. I'm a world-class whistle-hummer. (Ach! That sounds kind of German,
doesn't it?). Only my whistle-humming doesn't sound very good. Kind of like someone moaning because they have a stomach-ache
from eating, I don't know, rotten brussels sprouts. But it's a great talent, and useful in many situations.
Q: Name one situation when it would be useful to whistle and hum at the same time.
Tim: Uh...I can't think of any right now.
Q: Tim, what in your opinion is the most important event in the history of the world?
Tim: Oh, that's EASY! It was around 1928, when the divine genius Harry Burnett Reese invented a miraculous thing by bringing
together, for the first time, two of the most powerful forces on Earth. Can you guess what he invented?
Q: I'M supposed to ask the questions, not YOU.
Tim: Stay cool, dude. But his name should give you a big hint.
Q: Uh..."Harry"? He invented toupees for bald guys?
Tim: No! Not THAT name!
Q: All right--then "Burnett." He invented matches. Cuz that's what you do with a match, right? You burn it.
Tim: Holy cow, man, forget about the guessing! It's "Reese"--that's the hint! He's the guy who joined the sacred force of chocolate
with the life-giving powers of peanut-butter--to invent the PEANUT-BUTTER CUP. The greatest single feat in all of human culture.
Q: (Pause). You're a little weird, Tim.
Tim: Uh...is that a question?
Q: Let's change the subject. What's your personal favorite among the books you've written?
Tim: It's actually a picture book called The Great Snail Race. I haven't gotten it published yet, but I'm trying. It's about a famous race
that brings the fastest snails from feet around (get it? like "miles around") to win a big prize. I like it because it's all so serious to the
snails. To them, these racers are unbelievably fast! While to us--well, you know. Snails are like really really really...slow. That
cracks me up.
Q: So what do you think about polka-dots?
Tim: People are always asking me that! Look, I'm not against them in general, but you've got to admit they look funny on cars.
I'm sorry, but that's just the way I feel.
Q: All right, my final question. What sound do you get when you drop a piano down an open mine-shaft?
Tim: Hey, I know that one! Colorado Springs, Colorado, is my hometown, close to the old mining town of Cripple Creek. So I know
that if you push a piano down an open mine-shaft, you'll get--A flat minor.
Q: Thanks, Tim.
Tim: You're so welcome, Q!